She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
