Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
