The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
