i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
