You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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