He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
