i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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