i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
