I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
