After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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