This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
