I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just cropdusted the office
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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