Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
