I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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