sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
