She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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