Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
