I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want a musical about memes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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