i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
