I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
