1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
