there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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