everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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