I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
