we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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