break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize