but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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