Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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