IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did we literally take a cab across the street
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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