Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
