Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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