This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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