yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
