I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
