Sry I called you an 8
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
