I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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