Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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