What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
