just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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