i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
