the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
