Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
