I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Come see our sink grown plant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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