dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
