Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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