the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
