It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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