oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
