Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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