I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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