I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
