Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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