so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
