dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
