i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
