yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
