i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
