I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
