this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
