Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize