It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god