I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.