How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm passing your future prison.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
