Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes