I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you