why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"