You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again