nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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