I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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