Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
