I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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