We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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