They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
